Tonight I am feeling really, I don’t know….unsettled. I don’t like it. Sometimes I feel like the world is moving forward and I am just standing still, desperately trying to go somewhere, but I’m not sure where. I think that God knows that my deepest *dislike* is being stagnant and feeling alone, and I think that He is putting me in a position of feeling that way lately. And, I don’t like it. I just feel kind of shaken, it’s really a weird, and unsettling feeling.

I’ll be excited to see what God is teaching me through these days, because I think it’ll be a winner! It’s definately been quite the internal struggle the past 6 months or so. But, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I think I may have just figured it out as I was dazing out, and looking out the window where all I can see is the reflection of my room, and listening to Watermark songs from about 7 years ago….

I feel like I’ve lost control of things.

And, it’s not like “Oh, my life is spiraling out of control,” but what I mean is that I think I’ve realized that I have no clue what I’m doing next, or after that, or how to make money, or if I’ll ever find a place that I call home, or if I’ll ever be married, etc. I trust in God’s promises for grace, mercy, blessings, etc, but I also realize that I don’t deserve anything….

Anyway, when I was in college (oh so many years ago) I felt like I was in control because I had a very set routine, and a specific goal, and friends I saw everyday, and a very very busy schedule.

It’s kind of scary to face life on your own and say, “Okay….and I’ll do whatever you want, Lord!………so…….yeah…..um…I’m kind of lost.”

Maybe I’ll be more consistent, maybe not.

Last time I posted I was on my way to Germany. Since then I’ve been also to China. Pretty nifty, eh.

I could have gone to England, but God said no, and I said okay.

I might be able to go to New Zealand next year.