Tonight I am feeling really, I don’t know….unsettled. I don’t like it. Sometimes I feel like the world is moving forward and I am just standing still, desperately trying to go somewhere, but I’m not sure where. I think that God knows that my deepest *dislike* is being stagnant and feeling alone, and I think that He is putting me in a position of feeling that way lately. And, I don’t like it. I just feel kind of shaken, it’s really a weird, and unsettling feeling.

I’ll be excited to see what God is teaching me through these days, because I think it’ll be a winner! It’s definately been quite the internal struggle the past 6 months or so. But, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I think I may have just figured it out as I was dazing out, and looking out the window where all I can see is the reflection of my room, and listening to Watermark songs from about 7 years ago….

I feel like I’ve lost control of things.

And, it’s not like “Oh, my life is spiraling out of control,” but what I mean is that I think I’ve realized that I have no clue what I’m doing next, or after that, or how to make money, or if I’ll ever find a place that I call home, or if I’ll ever be married, etc. I trust in God’s promises for grace, mercy, blessings, etc, but I also realize that I don’t deserve anything….

Anyway, when I was in college (oh so many years ago) I felt like I was in control because I had a very set routine, and a specific goal, and friends I saw everyday, and a very very busy schedule.

It’s kind of scary to face life on your own and say, “Okay….and I’ll do whatever you want, Lord!………so…….yeah…..um…I’m kind of lost.”