I had a fun day in Cologne today, we went the huge cathedral and a Roman museum, it was actually a beautiful day with the sun shining! (I would type the German version of Cologne, but I don’t have that key on my keyboard) And of course, we had to hit up McDonalds, I mean, come on! I’ll hopefully post some pictures soon, I’m having some trouble with the phone jack converter I have at my “house” right now, so we’ll see…

Anyway, lots of trains and people and beautiful scenery. I was able to study about such gorgeous cathedrals in school, and now I’m getting to actually see them, it’s somewhat surreal, but somewhat normal. Jesse, Timothy and I played “Spot the American,” which was actually non-eventful, and as I’m typing this, Lynn, an 8 year old American whose family lives in Poland is putting some sort of funky hairband on my head….I’m a little nervous, it’s something that was cool when I was about 13. This is going to be embarassing since there are about 10 men in the house right now.

I wrote this last night after midnight, but couldn’t post it until now:

Today I helped clean the Goering house because they are having 4 missionary kids from Poland/America spend a few days there. It was nice to be able to really get my hands into something today and to help out in a more visible manner. And I had fun with the Goerings and their guests, and told Jesse some scary Pet Clinic stories about frozen pets in the freezer, and ears breaking off, and dogs suffocating in their owner’s armpits….people must think I am really odd.

I think the most interesting part of the day for me was just wrestling over some things internally and then taking a walk and really speaking to God about them. After cleaning, I left the Goering house for a bit and headed off to a new area for me…I walked around this bend, and then up through a little tree-filled area, and then under a small bridge and through part of a “suburb” of Dortmund with pretty traditional German architecture. I stopped at a little roadside chapel on the way, with a little cemetery, and then stumbled across another one later. So, I was walking and thinking that it’s hard to be completely honest with God. Lori had talked to me about some intense things, and I was feeling overwhelmed and a bit just weird. So, I was kind of having a conversation with Him, and I kind of heard myself saying something like, “Lord I want to do your will, but I didn’t realize it had to be so difficult sometimes, and I don’t like it.” Then it was God’s turn, and he said, “Do you really want to do my will?” “Yes” “Do you really??” “Urrrg…….yyyyyes,” I had to really force it out. It’s just interesting how when you hear yourself saying things that are honestly from your heart, sometimes they don’t sounds very intellectual, and they sound pretty dang selfish to be honest. But, when I am really honest with the Lord, I just feel like we’re having a little chuckle together because we both know how stupid I can be, but it’s okay. I’m not saying sin is okay of course, but it’s like we both know that I can be an idiot, and it’s not going to end our relationship.

So I turned into this beautiful little cemetery stuck inbetween some houses, with tall trees and bushes swaying in the breeze, and birds chirping loudly, enjoying a nice day, and sat down on a wooden bench toward the back, facing the street. I sat there for quite a while, and God just really, I don’t really know how to explain it, and I don’t want it to sound cliche or like “tada! everything’s fine and easy!”, but it’s like He really just sat down beside me on the bench, and reminded me of something that one of the young German girls I keep in touch with said to me in an email a week or two ago:

I’m there at home, where God wants me to be.

Today was a downer that ended up an upper. God just is so beautifully faithful to me, even when things are difficult.

I went to the Regiers next door (yes, that’s right, Regiers) for breakfast this morning. They have 4 kids, Simona, Dorothy, Michael, and Nadia, and they speak no English. So we had fun playing connect 4, and I got to practice my German numbers. It’s funny, when you’re in a country where you don’t speak the language, you start developing your own sort of “noise language.” It goes something like this:

“Ahhhhhh” means, “I’m pretending to know what you just said, and to show you that I am interested even though I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Oh!” means, “You just sat on me.” (and yes, I used this one yesterday)

“Mhmmhmmm” means, “You’re laughing and so obviously you said something funny, and so I’m laughing and pretending that it’s not so funny that you want to elaborate.”

I’ll share more later.

Anyway, we had English Conversation - a get together for local students, a relational outreach - at Dortmund University at 2 people came. I guess there are usually between 4 and 10. It was okay, but I felt really kind of awkward, and people were asking me the death question of, “So what are you thinking you’re going to do here? So, why ARE you here?” I hate it so much and it immediately sends me into the doldrums. I was telling my mom that I feel that a lot of Christians don’t allow others to be in that position. I’ve heard a few, “Well, don’t let yourself waste your life away by staying in that position too long.” and things like that. I know the mindset there, but as someone on the other side that is really deeply seeking a place, it’s difficult to honestly not know yet, and feel like you have to have an answer. Please don’t ever say things like, “What kind of job can you get with your major anyway?” to people like me. Sometimes God doesn’t work in ABC patterns, and it’s difficult to live outside of such a lifestyle.

So, end of story: the night ended with me beating Jesse, Timothy, Andrew and Michael in poker. That’s right, one girl beat alllll the men.

Today I slept in a bit, and then read some of “Hinds Feet on High Places” that mom gave me, and was really encouraged by the fact that the main character in the book seemed to have some of the same feelings and thoughts that I have sometimes, as she was starting out on her difficult journey up the mountain.

Then I tried to study a little German.

Then Charlie and Innes took me downtown via the train to see Dortmund, and I bought some new shoes!

And then I bought a 1 Liter of Coke light for almost $2, but I don’t care, it’s worth it people!

My buddy, wherever I go, he goes.

Things are going well, but I am still praying for a specific purpose here in Germany, please keep me in your prayers, I would appreciate it more than you know.

Last night I was at the Goering’s house, having fun playing games and talking, and then after it was dark around 7:30 (19.30 dad) I left to go home with a map Lori had drawn on a piece of paper. It was a 10 minute walk away. So I left with my loud high heel boots on, walking down German streets I had never been down before. I started walking, and felt fine and dandy, but then I started to get a little emotional about some things that were going on, feeling a little lost and confused in life, but I said a few words to the Lord and felt a little bit better. So, I was walking, glancing at this map, not quite understanding the streets, and then I saw a place I thought I should turn, so I turned and started walking, but it didn’t seem quite right, but I still kept going, with every footstep echoing off the houses around me. Shady characters were coming out of doorways and passing down the street across from me. Finally, something inside said, “Turn around. You were supposed to walk left to that Greek restaurant instead of going right, and THEN go right again.” So I went back and turned there, and was walking along, searching for something familiar, but I couldn’t tell because it was so dark and I had never seen the streets in darkness. Also, I don’t think I’d walked that way yet. So, I was talking to God a little bit about my life and His plans for me, and feeling a little down. I kept walking and came across a street with some name that I didn’t recognize…okay…that’s not what I was looking for, I’m a little nervous this isn’t the right way. But the map said to keep going, and so I did, and kept looking around…not sure not sure….then I came across a street that seemed familiar, okay, good….this is maybe the right way…..so I kept walking….and then finally the next street was Eugen-Richter Strasse, and I knew I’d find the front door eventually. I finally found townhouse 9f and walked over to the door, and the light came on and Charlie opened the door.

The funny thing is, I didn’t realize until just now, writing in my journal, that God was using my 10 minute walk to speak to me about EXACTLY what I was asking Him while I was walking. That doesn’t make the “walk” any easier, but it is a special thing when the Lord works in special ways when we are alone on a dark street in a foreign country where we don’t speak the language.