It is by our actions that we know we are living in the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before the Lord, even if our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
1 John 3:19-20

If you are ever curious about what should define those who claim to follow the risen God, read the letter written by John. The repeated use of the word “love” is almost annoying. And it’s so easy for me to read it and just check that off, thinking that yes, I love people, got that done. CHECK!

I guess I have a pretty pathetic definition of love. I wish I could understand it more, but then again, that is a scary thought, asking the God of all creation to teach me about love. The entire Bible rips into this unending definition of love. What is it? If we’re supposed to be “known by our love” and the primary definition of God Himself is love, what the heck does that look like and mean?

I really don’t know.

All I can think of is maybe my definition of love needs to be punched in the face. It needs to get a little more dirty and a little more angry - or a lot more. Love has somehow become a passive word, an enabling word, a word I use to talk about diet pepsi (which actually might qualify as a deep and passionate love). I just finished reading “Wild at Heart” again, and I was so thankful for John Eldredge’s definition of love in the book. I’m not sure if he ever literally defined it, but I find it unlikely that you can walk away from the book without a defintion of love seeping through the pages. It’s a dangerous, pursuing love. The love of a man that isn’t afraid to face pain and humility and sacrifice in order to love his bride. A love that is willing to be gentle and vulnerable, and also incredibly tough, leading, and resilient. Can you imagine if all men began to love their brides this way? And what if the women were supporting them and responding in this love? What a revolution.

I also read that Godly women should be known for three things: being valiant, vulnerable and scandalous. I like it. I will do my best to embody that.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is. There’s a lot to say, but it’s more like internal dialogue that isn’t too revolutionary to society in general at this point. But hopefully someday.

I’m stumbling across this reality that perhaps God wants to redeem us. And, maybe in more ways than we realize.

I think I’ve always had this thought about redemption, that when we begin to engage in this crazy life-shaking transformation through God’s grace, our future is new, redeemed, and our past just kind of blanks out into black and white dead-ness. But, I’m starting to understand that God wants all of me. Not just the “new life” I was thinking. Why would He want that? Why wouldn’t He just toss the crap aside and whisk me off to newness? Does God really want me to go back and face my hurts and my wounds and my fears and my failures…and to redeem them unto Himself?

Why in the heck would he do that? And what does that look like? That just is too much for me to think about, it’s taking me weeks to comprehend this new thought. Is it possible that there are treasures in my past that I thought were broken pieces? If I let Him will He take me back to those in order to free me from them and to show me His glory? Is it possible for God to be glorified through broken pasts? Amen, yes.

Can He truly love us that much, that even when we were dead to Him, DEAD (do we even comprehend this??) He was working out our future glory in Him? How great is this love, can we even understand it? What would this do to my definition of love, and to my understanding that I have been crucified with Christ, and yet I live…He has made all things beautiful. Maybe I should weep more for my past of selfishness, pride and moralistic judgment in order to give it back to Him to be redeemed. Or do I still think that my past wasn’t that bad…

“Even if our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything…”