Somewhere in the last month, life switched to crazy. I don’t know when this happened, but I find myself in sporatic mode most of the time. It’s not a bad thing, actually I’m just realizing how my life is actually how I always dreamed it might be.

I have true community and friends.

I have love.

I have a job I truly invest in.

Having said all that, here’s the great part: these wonderful things have brought me to a new awareness of my desperate need for a Savior.

My true community has been faithful to sit me down and talk to me about sin in my life, sin that I didn’t even see until they showed me.

The most amazing man in the world has been incredibly loving by allowing me, through his patience and leadership, to see the ways I have built up pride and selfish expectations of love throughout the years, and how I throw my failures toward him, instead of owning them.

My job has shown me that deep down I think I’m perfect, and no one else has it quite right (especially if they think things should be done differently), and has challenged me to shut up and put myself at the bottom once again - to realize that I’m the one that’s here to learn and grown, and I need to realize that I am looking to perfection for my personal identity and value, instead of Jesus’ righteousness & love.

So. In the last few weeks, I’ve had 2 of my closest male friends/leaders talk to me about some crap I needed to get rid of in my heart (this prideful need for perfection), I’ve had Tyler so lovingly lead me to seeing my own need for perfection and my lack of grace for myself (I am okay with others’ failures, but not mine), and through a study I’m doing with some wonderful women, I’ve realized how critical my tongue can be, and what I’m looking for through that.

It’s been so good! Such a freeing week. It reminds me continually of Hebrews, which tells us that God disciplines those He loves. And not only that, but John 15, which tells us that the Gardener prunes the branches that bear fruit. So, I can only be confidently humble and thank Him for taking care of me in order to free me from my own suffocating mess.

More to come…

P.S. Did I mention that Tyler is the most spectacular man I know?